MOVING OFF TO THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON.... FIVEFECTA.LIVEJOURNAL.COM! AHAHA I'M NOT A TRAITOR LAH K, BUT OH WELLS, PEOPLE CHANGE.
SO SHOULD YOU.
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MUACK!
•6:16 AM•
fi - like a woman scorned.
7th October 1988 - a star
is born. paranoid android. online since 2003,
here you'll read about her daily spasms, visual spreads of close loves and a tinge of artworks from time to time. welcome to her humble abode.
MOVING OFF TO THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON.... FIVEFECTA.LIVEJOURNAL.COM! AHAHA I'M NOT A TRAITOR LAH K, BUT OH WELLS, PEOPLE CHANGE.
should i move to lj?! wah lj cut and screen comment system.. sounds like a boatload of fun seh. i can dump all my pictures into one entry without feeling guilty of jamming up my readers' computer (well that's what they always tell me) lah like that. can also lock entries. (yay can bitch bitch bitch and bitch some more!) joo was telling me over a cup of mayo this afternoon that lj was better than blogger and you'd be surprised to see how much more lj friends you have over there than the blogger ones now. you wouldn't guess who i bumped into while i was on the bus to yishun today. shakes head. barfs all over her face. peels that disgusting mole off her cheek and stuff it up her nose. rolls eyes at her ugly brown bag. ah you no need to know lah kay. wait you also wanna barf. anyway, what was i doing in yishun again? oh nothing lah i was just bored to the bone. boredom of all king of boredoms. never felt any boredom as overwhelming as that. i actually took a second shower for the day, got dressed, put on my make up and just stared into the mirror and wonder to myself where the fuck was i headed out to anyway. i didn't make any plans, nope. nobody called to make plans with me either. sha was playing mind games, one minute she texted me saying there was something urgent and the next minute she just ignored my calls for like the millionth time. so i assumed she wasn't interested to meet me anyway. one hopeless neighbor, that one. so i randomly dialed every number on my phone just to see what it was like asking someone out. (haven't been doing that for the longest time now haha!) dy was in jakarta, pard in bangkok.. why is everybody out of town?! the rest of the tots' prepaid value was low, nothing new there. joo finally saved my life and invited me over to the other side. it's always greener on the other side, i fink. afiq called for awhile yay but ok lets not talk about that first. joo was sick and i believed her. the weather was so hot today i could fry eggs on my head as i walk around for the polyclinic over there. yishun people cannot trust one, they always give me wrong directions so most of the time, i got lost. nothing new there also.
afiq's twenty first birthday surprise cum ns farewell dinner at marche last night was a success! it wasn't easy planning this whole thing what's with my trip to hongkong and trying to keep in touch and update the boys. afiq was always this close to finding out, i had to keep deleting all the text messages and screening calls on my phone. boys suck at birthdays. BUT. but relek lu... you guys are wonderful la! i was as surprised to see your scrapbook pages are better-looking than mine. nabeh! i guess all that rushing and worrying and keeping discreet contact truly paid off. while the boys go get the cake, i was busy trying to act all clueless and asked afiq if he might like to ask them along to town with us. so naturally, they said no. afiq sad... haha! it was raining dinosaurs yesterday. walked around town and had lunch. my bangs were getting in the way so i pestered afiq for a haircut. since he was already at the saloon he decided to go bald there and then. oh the horror! all that hair is now gone! well you know how he is with his hair. but hey guys meet my new boyfriend... all he needs now is a bomber jacket and steel-toe boots.
hello! i'm back! on the plane i sat next to a beautiful british woman who smelled like fresh roses. she had flawless never-ending legs, with a superfluous accent. she was yakking away about the weather in singapore before her friend came and i realised i had taken her seat by mistake. she was very pretty too, only a tad too blonde. flushed, i got up and asked the stewardess for my seat. my head was still dizzy from all that alcohol the night before. when i came to the airport that morning to check my bags in, two flights were already full. but my mom insisted i stayed on just incase there were any available seats. i was so tired i didn't sleep when i reached home. i would never wake up if i did. my dad was there to company me but it was just so weird.. he didn't even speak a word to me over breakfast. i wished someone else was there to send me off. his silence was deafening so right after the next full flight, i told him i could hang around the airport by myself and made him leave. went to macs and charged my phone while i hogged on the computer all morning. the lady next to me was so annoying, she kept screaming at little kids to stop looking. she introduced me to this e-card site and told me that it was the best damn thing on the world wide web. like who the hell sends e-cards anymore? pfft. i should seriously stop talking to strangers lah like this.
contrary to popular belief, i think you're compassionate, endearing and sometimes just so nice to talk to about non-serious stuff like clothes, what to wear or what not to wear, boyfriends, boyfriends' ex-girlfriends, boys in general, food, places, ugly people, shoes, i know you love shoes. besides bitching, we, of course talk about serious things too. insecurity. failing to fit in. being paranoid. our families or just being sad. sometimes i go to you, instead of the others, because you happen to be the one who has the most similar, almost dangerously alike taste as i do. and i loved that about you. so what is it that you're unhappy about this time? did it really put you off that i tried taking back what's mine? or maybe you were never really happy for me in the first place? you for some reason, have something against the things i do and i wished we could have atleast hold this on for a little while longer. you know, just talk and reason things out. or maybe i could wait for you to cool down. i would have given anything to do just that. but nope. sometimes people don't act the way you expect them to and i won't hold you against that. i wonder how you do it. cause i definitely cannot bring myself to say or do something like that to someone i've known for so long. but you've taught me something really important this time. people, they walk in and out of your life.
weak and tired, felt like this whole place has sucked all the oxygen away from me. sometimes, a little breathless. but yeah i could still manage a giggle. cause i love funny people like you. cayang.. b. cayang. b again. b. b please don't get sick of me. sick i am, for three days straight. hmm are you pregnant? hurhur. not funny doc. how can anyone ever laugh about something so serious and totally uncalled for. i hate the p word. mommy uses it on me everytime i complain of migraine. your blood pressure is too low. how do i make it high then. hand. me. those. sleeping. pills. five hours to his place. we're gonna snap and snap and snap. kaka, please be nicer. animals and their sixth sense, they know you detest them. i don't know how to react to your jokes anymore. feels like that new girl all over again. i hope you still remember how i look like. cause three days without seeing you, i prolly look like shit. but i'm not judy garland. and you're not tony hancock baby. cause you're my waterloo. and i'll be your gypsy lane. i'm so glad we know just what to do. and exactly who's to blame. i love you, endlessly...
no i don't like tyra. as of yesterday night, my liking for her has taken a hundred and one degree turn. she is superficial, fake, cliche, predictable and her guests have shallow issues like crooked teeth, excessive weight, not pretty enough, not tall enough, fetish for lipgloss. but you know why i wanted to watch her. you know exactly why i refused to turn the tube off. all i wanted was some attention. all i wanted was to annoy the shit out of you so you would look my way and not diffuse yourself in those white sheets which smelled of cigarettes and detergent. but you smelled the best last night. i wished i had that butterfly effect on me so i could go back to the past and meet you sooner. and we could have done this sooner. thanks for keeping me safe from lurking men and drugged out boys on the streets. somehow i always felt like they're looking at you instead of me. traffic after traffic, you never stopped holding my hand and watching out for cars. we could've walked alot farther because food is scarce like that. i hate how you're easily settled but if only i was less difficult. then maybe we would stop walking and you wouldn't have to trip and fall into that drain. haha! so now it's my turn to protect you. i want you to be safe and full and ultimately, i want you to be happy. i want to lie all night with you and not get up. i want to keep laughing at ben stiller with you and watch you reenact his face once the show's over. i want to do so many things with you, but there's so little time left. i don't think anyone, or anything, has ever made me this crazy before. i hate it when you call me b but can't help feeling like a baby whenever you do that. well loving you is like that. it's contradicting and complexed, i don't necessarily have to know what i'm doing or what i'm feeling to believe that you are all i ever wanted. when i first met you, you reminded me of alfie in that movie, i bet you've never met a girl you didn't love. i bet you've never met a girl you didn't like. so please don't tell me to shut up when i say i'm lucky. because you and me, and the things you do to me, i am just lucky that way.
i see too many little kids running around and hiding behind their mommies' skirts. i feel you fae. hahahahaha! but it's okay, hate tags are there to make you feel wanted. and popularrrrr. bet you feel special already huh! *imagines fae in a tudung* anyway, here's the second roll from the smena camera. afiq ripped off the previous one real bad so i'm glad this batch turned out pretty fine. uncle from photo store thinks he was from lomotion and gave him a discount. HAHA! i think it's funny, hilarious. because i'm not sure why but it's just funny. i couldn't stop laughing. cross-processed using agfa 100 and provia 100, i love the blue ones better. i can't wait to be in hongkong!
i met this boy from uob today. pretty cocky, he must've talked so much about himself till he forgot my name. or where i came from. like who the hell comes from thailand but speaks tagalog right? but i think he's pretty cute. the straw trick wasn't funny though. i totally forgot there was only one straw in the cup. you dork! but it's okay. i hope we'll bump again tomorrow. i think i might have a little crush on him. okay maybe a big one. like a big wet one. dayem.
i bought a new camera today but it's just not good enough.
tiring weekend. i was up on my toes since friday, rushing from one plan to another. sleepless nights. so many plans, so little time. we celebrated bib's birthday at pulau ubin yesterday and lucky there was joo's place for all of us to crash. i think joo's nephew is the exact replica of hanx baby. haha! they look so alike. and he is super cute, trying to get onto everybody's nerves all the time. sorry but that's just what i think of all little boys anyway. we played charade like for god knows how many times but couldn't seem to get tired of the game. we had to return the bikes by six in the afternoon so joo and his brother sent all of us off back to mainland by then. it was so fucking fun lah having to cycle around the island mcm budak kampong!! but you know what! you know just what!! on our way to the island, i dropped my camera on the boat and messed up the lens. my heart skipped a beat. im hoping there's a place where i can go to send the camera for repair at a reasonable price. of all times to destroy things. cause i am so broke right now. after ubin was dinner at rasa21, played catch and back to charades again. oh i am so in love with my friends.
could it be, three simple words, you fear of being overheard? i probably spent like the last thirty minutes just staring blankly into my book, not a speck of idea on what to do about my next assignment. my mom is seriously considering buying me some chlorpheniramine tablets to put me to sleep every night. you know, those yellow pills you pop when you have a runny nose. nyahahaha! last night i couldn't sleep and there was nothing left to eat in this house. so afiq came by my place and bought me some noodles with sunny side up.. except the sunny wasn't up and it got so cold shortly after. anyhow, i love sweet guys like that. i noticed how my area is so littered with cats. they give me the creeps every night i walk back home la. if there's a course that can help me overcome this fear, i would definitely enrol myself. my fear of cats is really getting annoying because afiq keeps a cat at home. why why must you have a pet cat ah? why can't you keep a bird or a fish? or spiders? i love spiders. so we just sit while he watched me eat. then we talked and talked. about so many things. it was chilly and nice. we talked so much i almost lost track of the time again. phew!
oklah bib, brace yourself. fine, we went out again. fine, we didn't ask you along again. but you know what happened? i'll tell you what happened. nysa tried to kill me. they couldn't stop staring at my sausages. when i wasn't looking, she stole some of my mashed potatoes. oh the nerve. and when i tried to steal some back, she practically thrust her steak knife into my palm. lucky no one was injured. i had some cuts on my pinkie tho. it hurt so bad seh bib.. the whole table was quiet after that. you would've definitely done something to stop her if you were there. right? that was fuckin attempted murder. then joo was busy making eye contact with the cute waiter who tried to bully me. like everyone knows what the hell kacang pool is in arab. he didn't have to make faces. i knew his voice was kinda funny but i didn't say anything, did i? and aysha was being her usual annoying self, complaining about how different her coke was from ours. but nobody told her there was more to life than just complaining about your coke. you, would've definitely told her that if you were there.
i have this weight.
exams are coming. that means more time. i don't usually use my study breaks to study. instead, i use them to catch up with people. people i don't meet anymore. people i don't read about anymore. people i used to call my bestfriends but never try to find out what's going on in their lives. pard and i talked over milk tea this evening. this one girl, has the tendency to make feel better about everything. she makes me feel safe. it's always the same people, swarming around the same people. it's kinda tiring but i shall not falter.
Sophie was back in the game! Pure, raw, explosive pleasure! Better than drugs, better than smack! Better than a dope-coke-crack-fix-shit-shoot-sniff-ganja-marijuana-blotter-acid-ecstasy! Better than sex, head, 69, orgies, masturbation, tantrism, Kama Sutra or Thai doggy-style! Better than banana milkshakes! Better than George Lucas's trilogy, the muppets and 2001! Better than Emma Peel, Marilyn, Lara Croft and Cindy Crawford's beauty mark! Better than the B-side to Abbey Road, Jimmy Hendrix and the first man on the moon! Space Mountain, Santa Claus, Bill Gates' fortune, the Dalai Lama, Lazarus raised from the dead! Schwarzenegger's testosterone shots, Pam Anderson's lips! Woodstock, raves... Better than Sade, Rimbaud, Morrison and Castaneda! Better than freedom, better than life! - Love Me If You Dare.
tell me what does it take? tell me just what does it take?
I can't stop being in love with you
i said i'm crazy, i'm crazy for you. while afiq is busy baking right now, imma take this time to post up pictures from new years eve. i never really did try to come around to do this and then i realised it's been like twelve days ever since 2007 ended. i wish i can bake as well as afiq does. no i wish i could even operate the oven. or touch fire. and not make a deal out of it. it would've made things easier especially during nights when i really feel like eating nothing but cakes. chocolate cakes.
