Listening to - nothing.

hiphop fest '04. it was fab. but tats just becoz they had taufik, klah2 i mean, Fique..on. n for like, wat, 5 minutes?! they made us wait till 12mn before we got to see him perform. ape2 lah ek. went der wit my girls (sha, li, nys, ilie n dee), yah ok, we all dun haf boifrens. *got a prob'm wit tat?!* 'cept for sha la, doinkz. ok u noe wat, i tink i'm long-winded. u tink?
i wudnt go to tis yr's hhfest if i noe wat i'll be expecting. but nvm, thanks azam for the 2 free tix. haha~ not onli is the vacinity at hong lim park non-airconditioned, the field we're standin on was all soil n mud. eh tgk2 kasut aku ade design baru! werent interested in most of the crews, 'xcept fer sum. i noe sha didnt njoy herself. ahaks. i onli wanted to see mizee, d'kruz, too phat n my taufik perform. tu je. yah n i bumped into aidil der. a'ah la aidil ar. yah tat aidil. aiyo. he was directly beside me in tha crowd n i didnt realise it. he was watchin me all the while, siak arr..he nudged me n i was like fcuk! is tat u?! yah it was him. duh~ gave me tat pissed face n wen i reached out fer his hand, he pulled away n saed he didnt wanna tok to me animore. abeh asal tegur, giler!! so many things were goin on thru mind i can't even think. i wasnt even half-sure tat was him. felt so alienated. finalli he grabbed my hand n we exit out to the back. akim was der. felt bad cuz i promised to join him but cannot ar, aidil da kat sini, like so kanchiong lik tat!!
we talked. i dun even noe wat about. if its about us tat we talked about, der was never 'us'. he had the word 'lies' written all over his face n i noe tat he still is. but one thing's undeniable - i miss him. didnt wanna let go of him. all ma anger n vision of his ugly ex-girlfren i had in mind vanished wen he suddenli kissed me. hello, i'm suppose to be mad at him, not freakin kiss him!
tat sudden rush struck me like a magnetic force. didnt want it to be over, no matter hw many times i keep tellin myself i want it to be. aidil is different. yes, he lies like any other guy n the way he breaks my heart, similar to any other jerk u can find. but tat force he can induce everitime we kiss...whu else can i trade tat for? aidil is a liar. everi word he tells me is a lie. i already noe all tat...

snap back to reality. tat was reality but many times, i wished it to be tat way, hoped it'll turn out tat way. its true, all the men in my life are leavin me one by one. my abang's gone to ns n my dad wun tok to me. n anep. i noe he's still mad. i dunno wat he's really feeling deep inside but watever tat he's really feeling, i wudn't wanna find out now. ders too many tings to tink about rite now n even if i do noe wat anep's really feeling, i dun tink i can make a difference to make him feel any better.

life's a bitch. but i'm bitchier.




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