'5ver


fi - like a woman scorned.
7th October 1988 - a star
is born. paranoid android. online since 2003, here you'll read about her daily spasms, visual spreads of close loves and a tinge of artworks from time to time. welcome to her humble abode.

CONTACT
fi_briton@hotmail.com
[friendster]
[myspace]

AUDIO


VISUALS
zoological
thecannery
coccolatte
aidilfitri06
london
nitot18
filthnight
hairspray

READS
amal// amanda// aruna// aysha// cherilyn// chinonet// dallilah// dan// danial// daya// dee// dha// dian// dinie// dyllah// diy// dy// eka// fae// fazli// fiffy// fir// fuhrer// hadi// hairul// hani// iansqrl// ida// ili// ilie// jaja// jane// jason// john// joo// khai// leha// lela// lina// mamat// min// mizee// naq// nj// nurasz// nurul// nysa// rasool// razif// reize// ria// samantha// saufie// sazz// shady// shameen// shasha// shazy// shyanne// sijia// shobi// sofia// tasya// xue// yanni// yazminda// yuse// zanna// zombiez// zura//

BLOW// THE RED WAGON// THE FAG SHACK// JUNK YARD FACTORY// STUDIOFROST//

CREDITS
blogger
rotter and friends
photobucket
adobe ps 9.0;cs2
VBrush
deviant art
c-box
my flash fetish
webmonkey
file cabin
file den
dynamicdrive


•all images, contents and
artworks in this blog
©fivefecta 2007.
thank you =)•


Thursday, May 05, 2005

Listening to - Security by Joss Stone

suddenly life seems so lifeless i don't know what to feel anymore. i can't daresay i've grown numb feeling this way because each time i reach a point of grief and sorrow, i feel like i don't deserve any of it and create a debate within myself. deserve. do i even have the right to deserve anything anymore? often, i wonder if the people around me accepts me for who i am or for who they want me to be. if fooling my heart is an art, then i shall say i'm dangerously good at it. it is difficult to please the ones i love as i keep on pretending to be someone else. much less be myself. sometimes i wish i can breakaway from this facade i've been putting up. i hold back the actions i thought was wrong, then listened agonizingly as they tell me it was right. many times i find myself unable to express my thoughts and hide it all like a dirty secret. this, they are always being misconstrued as insensitivity or worse, emotionally constipated. heh. i thought i have kept the promise to keep in touch with my inner self. but i was wrong. i still fear of being judged. being judged by what i strongly believe or by the things i know is right. it is always wrong. incorrect. a big mistake. perhaps this is just one of my weaknesses i've yet to overcome. the very weakness that can drive me to my least. misunderstand me as not being appreciative enough of the love i receive. but i've given my all. my very best. yet all is never enough. and it shall always be a major factor that i lack.

tak tau la ape nk ckap lagik.




•2:02 AM•