i know i shouldn't bother to check friendsters and emails anymore. devastated, upset, hurt.

heh, but so what, it's nothing compared to what i did. it can never justify for anything. but who am i to ask for much, i know where i stand now. am trying my best to face the music, cause i am the one who created all this trouble. i asked for it. so serves me right. im in kl now and like a lost kid, i was so desperate to find a way to say what's on my mind. last night, i couldn't sleep. and today, upon reaching kl, i havent slept a wink for close to twenty hours. mom knew what was going on, she had heard me in the kitchen but pretended not to know. sometimes, i wish i could just hug her tight and tell her how unwanted im feeling right now. like most girls can. but i don't blame her for she has warned me once, i'm just a little girl, i'll never grow up.. i can never learn how to love a man.

and before leaving, i wrote a letter. i knew i could jolly well just blog but i had the sudden strong urge to get my old diary back. i never knew i would need it anymore cause only the best and the worst goes on in there. but last night i discovered my diary was kept locked in the drawer but i had lost its keys. i cried myself searching through every bunch, but to no avail. i was just thinking to myself, how perfect it would be for the letter i will never send to stay together with the rest of my best memories. then it struck me - eversince i started blogging, i never once tried resorting to my diary, the one and only confidante i once called my bestfriend. and then i realise, i never appreciate what i have.

you only cherish what you've got after you lost them.



•9:47 PM•