one thing my parents have failed to do or even come close to succeed doing is to respect or come into terms with any decisions that i make. with that, i had told them i will be on my way to the job interview at an international foreign bank in tanjong pagar this afternoon. truth is, i was heading out to the library to do some reading with the girlfriends instead. i am so sick of faking job interviews and pretending to be disappointed each time i told them that i was not shortlisted. feels like a nine year old having to lie about little things to my parents when those at my age are probably busy discussing about life and relationships with theirs.

sigh.

a double sigh.

today, it rained and the smell of fresh raindrops made me want to stay in and snuggle into my comforter and just lay lazy on my yellow couch all day till it's time for buka. but i can't. cause i'm a fuckin nine year old. i see things are picking up by itself without having me to even lift a finger. sometimes i smile myself to sleep thinking about how ridiculous some people can be. to get what they want, to throw away what they don't want. things like that. if anyone should be desperate, it certainly should not be me. i am now giving my heart a break although i admit that yes some temptations are hard to resist. i am letting him take the lead this time. if this ride crashes halfway through, it will not have to be my fault then.

i am not any less vulnerable or that i always try to put up a strong facade when it comes to matters of the heart. i just don't see the point of getting too caught up with someone or let something so petty stoop myself so low. and then pretend to not care when in actual fact, it's torturing you inside. do you mull over it or pick yourself up and do something about it? works both ways, you'll still end up getting hurt. not much difference, i'm afraid.

each night is like the same thing. first you'll give me the butterflies, next we'll keep talking till we lost track of time and then you'll leave me breathless. and i know you're enjoying this very moment. of being so highly sought after or often talked about but i'm letting my guard down for you somehow. not because i want to but because i am just curious to see how it feels like. for once, now i am serving you my heart on a silver platter.

just this once, and i'm hoping you're putting it to good use. surely all this drama and sad story you've created are worth something right?



•4:29 PM•