You're a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on you're back is the latest trend
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

i actually downloaded the whole juno soundtrack a few months back without knowing that it was a movie. something witty for a change. allen page reminds me of ellen degeneres. haha! arab street with rauda on monday. it was a mad mad rush. i spent three hours waiting and not having anything to do but still i was rushing from one place to another. got lost with the shuttle schoolbus. it took us to some katong student hostel in a foreign place. that was really a busload of negros! sean kingston was giving me the eye i wanted to vomit. zanna and i fell asleep throughout the journey and lucky we woke up just in time or god knows how much farther we could've gone with those negros. i dropped my phone and crashed the screen after that. what luck. rauda thinks i have fat pits. a girl walked in front of me and practically stared at my god damn pits. i wished she had stared at somewhere else instead. came back to tamp and waited for afiq at macs. surprisingly she stayed on to hang out for a bit. i am so happy that night because my bestfriend is hanging out with my boyfriend. haha!

i am seriously running out of time. i'll be flying off this friday and i still have not packed my bags yet. they're all planning a party tomorrow night since it's gonna be the last happy thursday before afiq ships off to tekong next week. my flight was scheduled tomorrow morning but i changed it to friday just so i can come along. it's gonna be his last and i don't mind flying alone so long i can be there with him. he should consider marrying me, don't you think?

i came home tonight, changed into my shorts and just sat on my yellow couch for the longest time as i can remember. alot of thinking goes on in this chair. something i haven't been doing lately. you know sometimes you just get on with your life, doing your everyday things without realising how fucked up it actual is. you thought there was really nothing wrong with this life. everything is fine, okay, cool. when it's not. well not everyone think it is anyway. i never really see myself as oblivious, i think most of the time i am quite aware of my surroundings. ignorant, maybe? or was i busy being too happy to notice the unhappiness in the people around me? or maybe i am so used to having people tell me what to do. loud friends, demanding boyfriends, my parents.. trust me they always tell me what to do. if they're not happy, they say it to my face. i thought that was how things are suppose to be. i don't bother hiding my emotions because i believe anything suppressed will just eat you up in the end anyway. i wonder how many out there are really true, and how many are just pretending to be true when in actual fact, they really can't stand me. i mean, why stay if it don't matter? this is scary. cause you never know, after years of friendship and someone can just tell you in the face that you never really mean shit. so what was all that? yes i could be oblivious, i could be ignorant towards your feelings or maybe i didn't cry for you or kissed the ground you walked on. but at least i know i was true. but what were you? were you ever real? seven years is a long time to be pretending, don't you think? god i really don't know how you do it.



•4:30 AM•